Placing a parent in a Memory Care community can be one of the most difficult decisions a family makes. It often comes with feelings of guilt, sadness, and concern about losing emotional closeness. However, moving a parent to a Memory Care facility does not mean the end of your bond—it can be the beginning of a new chapter. With thoughtful communication, regular involvement, and emotional support, you can maintain and even strengthen your relationship with your parent.
Here are strategies to help you stay connected and preserve the love and trust between you and your parent in Memory Care:
1. Visit Regularly and Consistently
Consistency provides emotional reassurance to both you and your parent. Frequent visits—even short ones—help maintain a sense of routine and familiarity. Try to visit on the same days or at the same times so your presence becomes part of their new normal.
Tips:
- Schedule visits during times when your parent is most alert (often mornings or early afternoons)
- Bring a calm, positive energy
- Keep expectations realistic—some days will be better than others
2. Use Meaningful Communication Techniques
As dementia progresses, verbal communication may become challenging. It’s important to adapt the way you interact.
Effective communication strategies:
- Maintain eye contact and smile
- Use their name and introduce yourself if needed
- Speak slowly and clearly with simple sentences
- Listen with patience—even if the conversation doesn’t make full sense
- Use visual aids like family photos or objects from the past
Nonverbal cues, such as a gentle touch on the hand or a warm hug (if welcomed), can convey love when words fail.
3. Bring Comfort Items from Home
Familiar items can help ease your parent’s anxiety and strengthen your emotional connection. Consider gifting or displaying:
- Family photo albums
- A favorite blanket or pillow
- Books or music they once loved
- Religious or spiritual items
- A scent they enjoyed (lavender, rose water, etc.)
These objects often serve as conversation starters and emotional anchors.
4. Engage in Shared Activities
Quality time isn’t about doing something complex—it’s about sharing moments that bring joy or calm.
Try these engaging activities:
- Listen to their favorite songs or create a playlist together
- Read aloud from a favorite book or poem
- Look through old photos and tell stories
- Take a walk together in the community garden
- Enjoy a simple snack or tea during your visit
Doing something familiar can help them feel more connected and reduce anxiety.
5. Involve Them in Small Decisions
Even if your parent’s cognitive abilities have declined, giving them small choices can foster a sense of independence and dignity.
Examples:
- “Would you like to listen to music or go for a walk?”
- “Should I bring you chocolate or vanilla pudding next time?”
- “Do you want to look at this photo album or your favorite magazine?”
These decisions help keep them engaged and connected to everyday life.
6. Celebrate Special Occasions Together
Keep family traditions alive—even in a simplified form. Celebrating birthdays, holidays, or anniversaries can bring comfort and a sense of belonging.
- Decorate their room for holidays
- Share a birthday cake or play holiday music
- Create new rituals that match their current abilities
Photos from these moments can also be used to revisit happy memories later.
7. Stay Involved in Their Care
Being an active part of their care plan shows you care and builds trust with the Memory Care team.
Ways to stay involved:
- Attend care meetings
- Communicate regularly with staff
- Ask how they’re doing emotionally, not just medically
- Advocate for your parent’s preferences
Staff members who see you often are also more likely to keep you informed and include you in daily updates.
8. Understand the Disease Progression
Educating yourself about dementia helps you better relate to your parent and manage emotional expectations.
Learn about:
- The stages of dementia
- How memory loss affects mood and behavior
- Why they may forget your name but still feel your emotional presence
Remember: they may not recall what you said, but they’ll remember how you made them feel.
9. Take Care of Your Emotional Well-being
Being a caregiver—even from a distance—is emotionally draining. To be the best support for your parent, you need to support yourself.
- Join a support group
- Seek professional counseling if needed
- Journal your experiences and emotions
- Set boundaries when needed to avoid burnout
Maintaining a strong relationship starts with being emotionally available—and that begins with self-care.
10. Treasure the Present Moments
Your parent’s memory may fade, but emotional bonds can remain. Even small moments of laughter, eye contact, or a smile are powerful and meaningful.
Be present. Let go of needing perfect conversations or full recognition. Focus on the love, not the memory.
Conclusion
A move to Memory Care doesn’t mean losing your parent—it means continuing your relationship in a new way. By visiting often, communicating with compassion, participating in care, and sharing meaningful moments, you can maintain a powerful emotional connection that transcends memory loss.
With time, patience, and empathy, your bond can grow stronger even in the face of dementia.
FAQs: Maintaining Relationships in Memory Care
Q1: What if my parent no longer recognizes me?
Even if your parent doesn’t remember your name, they may recognize your face, voice, or emotional presence. Focus on being a comforting and familiar figure.
Q2: How often should I visit a parent in Memory Care?
There’s no set rule, but regular and consistent visits—whether weekly or several times a week—help maintain your connection and provide reassurance.
Q3: Should I correct my parent if they say something incorrect or confusing?
Generally, no. Avoid arguing or correcting. Instead, redirect gently or go along with their reality to avoid distress.
Q4: What can I do during visits if conversation is difficult?
Try music, photo albums, hand massages, nature walks, or sitting quietly together. Your presence matters more than words.
Q5: Can young grandchildren visit?
Yes, in most communities, and visits can be very meaningful. Prepare children in advance, keep visits short, and bring games or crafts to share.
Q6: How do I handle feelings of guilt after placing a parent in Memory Care?
Remind yourself that Memory Care provides specialized support that keeps your parent safe and comfortable. You’re still actively involved in their life and care.
Q7: Can I bring my parent home for holidays or visits?
This depends on their condition and the facility’s policies. Consult with staff to assess safety and comfort. Sometimes, celebrating on-site is the better choice.
